Op-Ed

Download and complete this sheet for peer review
Op-ed review for MAUREEN NELSON
Evaluate the structure of your peer’s op-ed using the guide below. Remember the writer wouldn’t necessarily
have to fulfill all the criteria to compose a successful op-ed, but the structures should be similar.:
Introduction: Does the writer:
● Use a Catchy Headline
● Include a Strong Hook
● Introduce their position
Your notes on this criterium:

  • I think the title is good and short. It leaves room for questions and peaks the reader’s interest. It is also
    an insight into what her paper might be about.
  • The writer poses a question that is an engaging way to start a piece.
  • The introduction includes an example from history to support the definition of race and how people have
    reacted to racial differences.
  • The position is not very clear. I am not sure what the writer is arguing for or what kinds of actions one
    should take just yet. I feel like the writer has defined key terms and exemplified them, but I want to hear
    more of the writer’s take on the issue and connect it to modern times.

Body: Does the writer:
● Explain their Opinion
● Use Stories to Show What They Mean
● Explain Why Readers Should Care
● Back Up Claims with Sources
● Focus on a Single Point
Your notes on this criterium:

  • The first body paragraph includes more of the writer’s voice and reaction to the current state of
    segregation in new york city, US. I think this could be added to the introduction since I see some sort of
    stance being taken here.
  • The second body paragraph acts as a possible solution/suggestion and answers the question of why
    readers should care. The writer is focusing on education in this paragraph and how it is important that
    everyone is able to have a quality education. Although, the writers highlight how this is not a focus in
    NYC.
  • The third body paragraph provides logistics/stats. This is good evidence that supports the writer’s topic.
    The writer does well in linking these numbers with the lack of care in education.
  • The fourth body paragraph is also providing more data but I think the writer could break it down more
    so that it is easy to read and that the numbers are being proved as a connection to the original claim
    made in the first body paragraph.
  • The fifth body paragraph should elaborate on what the “current values are and how that might affect the
    overall diversity of the school. For example, a school like Staten island tech may not be very diverse
    given that the people attending are from Staten island specifically.
  • The sixth paragraph expands on previously mentioned topics but it is good not to mix it in different
    paragraphs and rather focus on one point at a time.

Conclusion:
● End with a Call-to-Action
● Tell Readers What to Do Next
● Include Additional Resources
Your notes on this criterium:

  • The writer does tell what the readers to do next and specifies what actions we need to take, but it can be
    expanded on. I think the writer should restate why it is important we do this and what realistic changes
    would happen as a result of it. Additionally, the writer could add more linked articles about education in
    NYC or the lack of diversity.

Evaluate claim/evidence structure:
Are the claims in the evidence fully supported or is more evidence needed? Please reference specific examples.
Your notes:

  • When the writer brings in the stats about the number of diverse and non-diverse schools, I think they
    should reference a credible source so that readers know where these numbers are coming from and how
    updated they are.
  • “There are less diverse populated schools in NYC than non diversely populated schools. Over
    200 of the less diverse schools are mostly in the Bronx, Manhattan, and Brooklyn. Over 70 of the
    more diverse schools are in Queens and Brooklyn. The equity of these schools is sparse and do
    not reflect the neighborhoods they live in.”

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Answer the following questions about the writer’s op-ed. Give a specific example (quote) from the writer’s
text to illustrate what you mean in each answer.
1) Is the writer’s position clear? Where do you see the position stated in a very straightforward way?

  • The writer’s position is clear, but it is not in the introduction. The readers gain an understanding of what
    is being argued for in the first body paragraph and are given suggestions at the conclusion. I think it can
    be emphasized once or twice within the op-ed.
  • “Though segregation has been made illegal in the United States, we still see it manifest in the school
    systems. The New York metropolitan area has a disproportionately high percentage of segregated
    schools. In a diverse city like New York, this is appalling.”

2) Is the writer’s position supported? Is there enough evidence to support the position?

  • ETHOS… The writer is missing ethos. They can include stories of individuals with experience in
    regards to this. The writer could also ask a student in high school from a diverse school vs a nondiverse
    school area about their thoughts.
  • PATHOS…The writer can include upsetting stories and voice their own experiences or emotional
    reactions to appeal to our emotions as a reader. I think this topic is good for pathos since you can discuss
    how unfair it is that one group gets more opportunities and fewer struggles due to their race, a factor that
    cannot be controlled and people should not feel excluded because of their ethnic or racial background.
  • LOGOS…The writer successfully uses data to support how education is not a top priority and how the
    diversity of a school comes to be.
  • ex: “ Over 200 of the less diverse schools are mostly in the Bronx, Manhattan, and Brooklyn.
    Over 70 of the more diverse schools are in Queens and Brooklyn.”

3) Does the op-ed need anything? Is there an unsupported claim or an area where you think a general
audience would like more information linked or written into the text?

  • The article could include some links that expand on each type of evidence. For example, they can
    include a link of the historical context of segregation in the Us.
  • I think the writer can make good use of graph sand charts for this and display their data as visuals than
    words.

4) Is the evidence structure balanced? How much evidence is provided on the surface of the text vs. how
much is linked?

  • There is plentiful evidence but I think there are more subtopics the writer can speak on other than
    education. Another one to include in the workplace and how there is a lack of diversity. And even if an
    organization claims to be diverse, they might actually be just using a colorful group of people to
    represent their company while the treatment behind the scenes is not so good.
  • The paragraph about specialized high schools needs more added to connect that fact with the issue at
    hand.
    5) Is the writing style compelling to a general audience? Is the writer’s voice clear and relatable?
  • Most of the writing is easy to read and understandable. I will say that the writer can simplify the
    information in body paragraph 4 so that we hear more of the writer’s thoughts than just numbers.
    6) Is the tone/diction of the piece too academic? Does it feature traditional academic language, syntax or
    transitions? Remember, a general audience wants a more narrative/personal style than an academic
    audience.
  • The language is not too complex and the sentence structures are fine, but I feel like it be good to
    distinguish between segregation and racism. When the readers see those two, they might think of it as
    the same thing.